Hudson will turn four in just a few days. In the many birthdays we’ve celebrated over the lifespan of our kids, I don’t think I’ve ever cried, not even on their first birthdays. But the thought of Hudson turning four can easily bring tears to my eyes. My last baby is growing up and with this birthday, we are forever leaving behind all those years of having babies and toddlers to hold and cuddle. Hudson is officially entering the season of little boy.
When Tyson turned four, I had an infant and a two year old. So four years old, seemed so big. We signed Tyson up for soccer. He was our big boy. I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but at some point, he stopped asking to be held and cuddled. Maybe I didn’t notice because my arms were so full with the other two.
But when Hudson stops climbing up into my lap to cuddle, I will notice. My arms will feel so empty. I know my days of holding and cuddling him are numbered and my heart aches knowing that that part of motherhood is soon coming to an end for me. For so long, my season of babies and toddlers felt never ending and so demanding. My arms were always full. In fact, many times, my two arms never felt like enough arms for everyone that needed holding. But now I look back and that season just feels like a blink of time. How can it already be almost over?
Like I said, Tyson was almost four when we brought Hudson home from the hospital. And already, Hudson is turning four and Tyson is nearly eight. Next year, Tyson will turn nine. And it hit me recently that nine years old is the halfway point if he leaves home at 18. If I meditate on that thought for very long, I could easily turn into a sobbing mess. How can that even be possible?
I want to tell time to slow down and I want to plead with my kids to please just stay little a little while longer.
I just came across this blog that I wrote a few years ago. Apparently I knew I would feel like this one day so I wrote down all the little things I wanted to remember about the kids being little. The funny thing is I can remember writing that blog post and being excited about one day having kids that were more independent. And here I am! My babies aren’t babies anymore.
And it’s good, I know. We’re entering a good season. And I’m excited about it, I really am. But y’all that season of babies and toddlers went by so fast! And I’m letting myself be a little sad about saying goodbye to it. Because watching your babies grow up is bittersweet.
Hudson’s third birthday.
And the year that flew by…
The good news is that me and Max had a talk and he’s promised me that he will always stay little.