Back in January, a lot of things collided (moving, new state homeschooling laws, kitchen renovation, a little bit of winter homeschooling doldrums, Tyson randomly asking to go to school etc..) and quite unexpectedly for all of us, we ended up putting Tyson in school.
But even though we had prayed about it and had a sense of peace about it, my heart wasn’t ever fully on board. I just felt really unsettled about our decision. But at that point, we felt like we were supposed to keep letting him go. Tim was more comfortable about that than I was, but deep down, I also knew it wouldn’t be wise to yank Tyson out of school right away. He was enjoying it and there was a lot going on at the house to occupy my time and attention.
But every day, I felt torn between my ideals and my reality. I wrestled a lot with all the convictions, dreams, and desires that God laid on my heart two years ago when He first called me to homeschool. Those things were still a deep part of me and watching Tyson go each day was extremely hard. It just never felt completely right to me; like it just wasn’t a good fit for our family. I questioned God and wondered why I still felt so strongly about homeschooling if this was His plan for us. And each time, He would just tell me to wait, to follow Him, and to trust Him. That’s always so much easier said than done though.
Then the majority of the kitchen renovation wrapped up (hopefully I’ll have some pictures for you guys soon!), and the desire to bring Tyson home became stronger and stronger to the point that I couldn’t ignore it. I can’t fully describe how passionate I felt about it or the sense of urgency I had to bring him home. One day, in my prayer journal, I wrote, “My heart is screaming to take him out [of school].” It became all-consuming. But instead of trusting myself and the intensity of my desires, I doubted and questioned myself. I was still very confused and uncertain about what God was doing and if I was still supposed to be waiting on Him. But over the course of the following days, instead of telling me to “keep waiting”, God began whispering things like “My sheep know my voice and they follow me wherever I lead. You know my voice. This is me in you. Trust that I’m leading you. I have made you passionate about homeschooling for a reason. There is purpose in it. Stop doubting the things I have put on your heart. Follow me.” He showed me that all my doubts were actually fear and He was calling me to walk in faith.
At the same time that I was praying through all these things, the fun of going to school every day was losing it’s initial appeal on Tyson and he began talking a little more about homeschooling again. As the days passed and I continued to pray through everything, I could see that God was not only working in me, but in Tyson too.
Then one day, God brought me to the verse “… lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God.”
And I knew He was telling me that it was time to bring Tyson home again.
And then to completely confirm that in me, that very same night, Tyson told me he was ready to start back to homeschooling the next day. God’s timing is perfect.
And so that next day, we brought Tyson home.
Since making that decision to homeschool again, our hearts have been so at peace. It’s right for us. It’s where we experience life and freedom in our family. There is sweetness in it and I love having my kids home. Tyson has really been happy to be back home too. I don’t mean to imply that everything is always happy and easy or that we don’t have hard days. Not one of us is perfect, so sometimes our days are messy. They fight and I lose my patience. We fail and we forgive. So thank goodness God is always right there in the midst of our messes, cleaning everything up, turning our ashes into beauty! He is the One who holds us all together.
Tyson wanted to take a “last day of school” picture.
We celebrated our first full day back to homeschooling by going to Einstein Bagels and getting treats.
And then we took a trip to the library to load up on books to read.
I love the freedom that homeschooling allows for us to do those things
and the time it gives us to enjoy slow days
the time it gives us to play and explore God’s creation
or to spend a cold morning snuggled up reading books in front of a fire
I love the time it allows us to just be together, living life and learning.
My heart is full!